Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes


I don’t like my body very much. I feed it too many biscuits, too much wine and far too much cheese, and then I have the temerity to be ashamed of it.

I have been overweight for most of my life, apart from  when I had just moved to London and was renting a room from an emotionally abusive relative. I lost about 5 stone if not more in as many months, living on black coffee and marlboros, utterly miserable. I hated where I was staying, I hated my job, and I had absolutely no idea of how to get myself out of the situation. But, hey, I fit into a pair of size 12 combats, wasn’t that special!!

When I eventually moved into my own place and got a new job the weight crept gradually back on. A lady in the office got pissed one Friday night and told me I’d ‘have ever such a pretty face if it wasn’t so fat’.

Honestly, if you’ve ever in your life told someone they ought to lose weight, have a long hard think about why you felt such an urgent need to say something. Now think about whether you considered the other persons feelings before offering whatever nugget of wisdom fell out of your mouth. Believe me, we know we’re fat, we don’t need you to point it out for us!

Over the last 10 years I’ve yoyoed between sizes 16/18 and 22/24. I did Weightwatchers for a while, before getting pissed off with the Smuggy McSkinnypants who insisted Diet Coke was better for me than half an avocado.  I did Paul McKenna’s creepy hypnotherapy cd. I did something like Atkins that involved huge quantities of butter but no fruit.

I did everything except exercise.

Now, I don’t know if  you know this, but it turns out exercise is brilliant. I mean, it’s awful and it makes you ache and no one looks good flailing around on a cross trainer and your belly jiggles about and I’m missing the gene that makes you look elegant and gazelle-like when you run, but goddammit it makes you feel good in the end.

So I don’t know why I don’t do it more. Yes I do. I’m lazy and I care too much that I look like a tonker running out in public, and it’s easier to eat crisps than go out in the cold, but once I get into it, I really enjoy it. So I’m hoping that by making ‘Run 5k’  my April challenge, I might actually do it this time.


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